my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
be right there i have to get my cape
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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