I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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