Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
