You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
