i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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