i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
