so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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