Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
