Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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