my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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