Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
