I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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