True but thats because hes a fetus.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
