I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
