Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
