I want to walk on stilts...naked
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Alive.
So much puke
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I forget how to act sober
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize