the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
