im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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