i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
