he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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