I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
smell my finger.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
