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We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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