I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
