My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
