Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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