I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
