I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
