this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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