I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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