1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize