My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
