Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
