I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize