I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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