Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
