Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
