Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
