Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
