Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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