If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
