Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
