You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
