honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize