...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
