i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
