At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We are two peas in an std pod
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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