you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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