Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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