Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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