Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
