Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
