I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
