I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
