I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
