Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
