So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
