yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize