if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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