You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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