We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
