So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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