Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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