this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
