you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
