he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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